mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
