i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
