He is an equal opportunity slut.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
