im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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