Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
