There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize