careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
