she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
