You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
