Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
