haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
