K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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