In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
