Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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