If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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