I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
