I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
