the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
