You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
