she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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