She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
