I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
