I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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