take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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