So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The air was thick with penises
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
