When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
