doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
