Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
