my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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