my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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