My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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