I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
