They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
