my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
