btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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