found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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