It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Alive.
So much puke
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
