Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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