Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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