My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
