the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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