I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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