How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
