Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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