what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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