Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
