I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
