Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
