why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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