All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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