If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
