hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
