if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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