did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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