Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Actions speak louder than pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
