He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
