Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
