Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
