Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
