WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
