there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
