if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
