some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
