I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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