just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
