exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
