Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
