Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
