I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
