Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
